The Ark of the Puzzlement: Noah

Quite unexpectedly, I found myself watching Noah this weekend. Director Darren Aronofsky is a fascinating cat, so I guess curiosity compelled me to see what Darren Hath Wrought. Noah is a wildly fascinating epic that has moments of genuine heart concerning the nature of man - it also seems to want to be Mel Gibson's version of The Lord of the Rings. Noah (Russell Crowe) begins a gentle man of peace, living on the periphery of the descendants of Cain, cities of ravaging bad guys who believe that it's man's destiny to take what you want and kill whoever gets in your way. Society seems to be heading in a bad direction, and soon Noah has apocalyptic visions of a great flood that will cleanse the Earth.

He explains to his family that he must build a great ark to carry all of the animals - the innocents - across the flood to a new beginning. As Bill Cosby once said, "What's a Cubit?!" You may be wondering how Noah and his clan will manage to build a colossal vessel that can transport two of every animal? Well...it turns out there was this race of rock monsters called Watchers, that were actually fallen angels, who helped do all the manual labor. Yes, rock monsters, voiced by Frank Langella and Nick Nolte no less! Forget the book of Genesis, this is the book of Excalbia!

The film establishes a pretty solid and realistic dynamic between Noah's family, but the rock monsters really threw me for a loop. When the floodwaters rise, the descendants of Cain (led by villainous Ray Winstone) attack the ark, and the rock monsters fend them off like Ents swatting a troop of Orcs. Strange? Absolutely. But never boring.

During the long sea voyage, two things happen - there's a needless subplot involving a hidden passenger that is supposed to increase a sense of imminent peril. More importantly, a surprise development causes Noah to make a decision that really alienates us from him as a protagonist. His intentions make no sense (at the time) and suddenly turn him from resolute man of convictions into misguided zealot. The hero becomes the villain.

The ark does ultimately find its way to sunnier, more hopeful shores, thanks in large part to the heroic efforts of Emma Watson and Jennifer Connelly, both of whom do really nice work here. Watson is particularly effective. Anthony Hopkins appears as Noah's father Methuselah, who has some mysterious abilities at his command.

I'm not sure if Noah has enough gospel fealty to satisfy its audience. It seems too concerned with "beefing up" the story with villainous fist-fights and battlin' behemoths, none of which feel particularly necessary. When the monsters and thugs are out of the picture and Aronofsky focuses on the quiet struggles of people simply trying to believe and do good, the movie is at its most effective.

Still, as weird as it sounds, it's a fascinating experience. The Icelandic locations are stunning and really evoke a sense of an era that's brutal and raw. The vastness of the landscapes make people seem small and fragile, making us care about them all the more. Noah is a strange experience, but not one you're likely to forget any time soon.